My Big Sister Can't Be This Crazy!
by SeikiSeiki
Summary: "Chiyo-nee...what are you doing?" Tsuna watched his older sister, who was dressed in the Namimori Middle School male uniform, smile roguishly at the mirror. "Silly Tsuna, it's Ietsuna-nii now!" She corrected absently, ruffling her new pixie cut. His sister winked at the mirror, smirking sinfully. 'Wait...is she checking herself out' Tsuna stared and quietly left the room. SI-OC
1. Sunny with a Chance of Childhood Trauma

**SeikiSeiki: _Another self-insert OC fanfiction, this time in KHR! First chapter's a bit dry, but the next chapters will (hopefully) become more funny when POV shifts to OC as she begins her steady descent into the insanity that is Namimori. Feel free to review and drop constructive criticism and any ideas you would like to see implemented :D_**

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 _"If I was stuck in a room with my father and your father with only one bullet in a gun, I would immediately shoot myself."_

 _-Sawada Chiyohime complaining to Xanxus about their Daddy Issues™_

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Sawada Chiyohime is six years old when **_The Incident_** occurs.

She is sitting on the front porch with her father's boss, watching her younger brother play with a ball in the frontyard. Her father and mother are inside the house, so the only person watching over her is her father's boss.

Chiyohime rather likes her father's boss, an elderly man who tells her to call him "Nonno." He tells her that it's Italian for "grandfather", and she thinks that he does seem like a grandfather. She asks him how to speak Italian and he obliges with a kind smile, speaking some Italian phrases and explaining their meaning in Japanese. When she stumbles over the foreign words, he slowly repeats the words, letting her copy his pronunciation. He praises her when she manages to roughly repeat after him, even though she's sure she's still mispronouncing the Italian words.

She likes that Nonno tries to teach her and not laugh at her mistakes. Every time she messes up in front of her papa, he always laughs at her and picks her up, swinging her around and making her dizzy. Chiyohime wonders whether Nonno ever did that kind of thing to his children.

Their conversation is interrupted when their neighbour's pet chihuahua starts to wiggle through a hole in the fence, barking madly.

She screams, well aware that their neighbour's pet chihuahua loves to bite. She has the scar on her right calf and Tsuna as a witness to prove it. Tsuna is barely four years old, but he still remembers the dog that bit his sister. He begins crying, which attracts the attention of the dog that had finished forcing its way through the fence.

Chiyohime runs into the house, calling for her papa. Nonno seems too old to deal with the vicious dog, and her mama seems too gentle. Her papa seems like the perfect man to get rid of the dog, strong enough to lift her up even though she is already six years old.

"Papa!" She wails, running for her papa who is watching television on the couch. "There's a mean dog about to attack Tsuna!"

Her papa stands up, effortlessly catching her and lifting her up. "What's wrong, Chi-chan?"

Through her inelegant blubbering, she manages to sob out. "There's a mean dog that bit me in the past, and now it's outside and about to bite Tsuna as well!"

"Alright, Chi-chan. Let papa take care of this." He sets her down and pats her head, running to the front yard. She follows after him, hiccuping softly.

They return just in time to see Nonno crouching down to talk to Tsuna, who's _eyes are glowing orange and forehead is on fire_. The dog is nowhere in sight.

"Chi-chan, you shouldn't lie about your younger brother being in danger." Her papa scolds, seeing that his youngest child is perfectly fine.

"But papa! There _was_ a dog and...wait, why is Tsuna on fire?" Chiyohime furrows her brow, looking at her younger brother.

"There _was_ a dog but he left." Nonno explains in Japanese, before starting a rapid conversation with her papa in Italian. The conversation seems intense, both men seemingly arguing about something.

"Come along now, Chi-chan." Her papa begins herding her back into the house, ignoring her protests. "Nothing to see here."

"But papa! Tsuna was _on fire_." Chiyohime argues, trying to look through the front door as her father pointedly blocked her way.

"Ahahaha _, he wasn't on fi-_ " He's cut off by a furious yell from his daughter, who kicks him sharply in the shin. Taken aback by the sudden show of violence from his docile daughter, he lets go just in time for her to run past him to the frontyard.

She manages to catch the sight of Nonno gently poking her brother in the forehead, right where the flame was with a _flaming finger._ The flame poofs out of existence and Tsuna collapses.

Suddenly-

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Ŗ̗̫̞͍͎̘͚̜͌̄ͦ̎͞ẹ̅͛͂̓͝b͉̣̮͙̦̓ͫ͛o̎ͤ̇̏̆̏͑̑̋͟҉̬͕̪͕ͅr̝̋̏͐̒̈́̓̎̑ͅn̦̜ͮ̈͢ ̨͎͕̤̙͙̹̯̹ͣ͋̉͊̓ͩ̿̃͝w͙̻͇͖͚̝̰̬̐̏͑͟͝i̻̾̓̒ͧt̠͙ͪ̈́hͥͯ̊̆̌͘͠͏̭͉͈̲̬ ̴̡̻̟̤̬̭͎̞ͪ̀͊̎m̙ͨ̇ͧ͌ͣͮ͘͢͡y͇̱̲̪̱̞̿̋̀̕ ̸̢̒̈́̈̃̚҉̜̳̦̥̬̳̙̞ḑ̻̟̫̱͙͈̑ͪ̀ÿ̲̖̦̅̓ͫ͂͂̅ĭ͇̱͎̘͔̣̆ͪ̄͋͂̚n̷̬̖̻̞̤̲̼̹ͫ̌̊͛̓ͤģ͕͔̬̼͕̭̬̺̄̊͢ ̶͕͉̮̘͇̩ͤ͑͝ͅw̸͖͚̪ͣͭ̃̀͡͡ǐ̦̳̥̲͈͓͖̖͑ͫ́͐͛ļ͇̜ͨͅl̶͓̞̝̟̪̅̓̋̚ͅͅ!ͩͫͩ͛́͛̾ͦ҉̧͔̜̮̺͔̞͝ͅ ̸̟̂͋ͦ̊ͯͤ͂̚s̥̭̹̺̾̈́̒̏̀ͦ̑t̷̤̩̫͚ͯ̍͛͂O̦͓̐̍̔͜p͖̯̙͐͂̒͂͌̔̍̚͘ ̬̞̩̞̟͇̹͊̃̒̈́ͬĮ̺̮̥͕̞̏̊ͥ̕͞ț̢̱͍̰̙̼̮͈͋͟ ̸̶̘͎͙̞̹͚͉̎̔̊͑̽̈́̚͠ͅH̨̛͉̺͕̘̼ͭ̋͆ͅu̵̪̦̦̺̮̗ͬͮͭ̇̈́r̪͇̳̜͖̃́ͫ̔ͦṬ̷̹̙̤͔̝͚̌̓s̙̻͔̈́̇̃̿̑ͬ̽̾̔́͜ ̵̴͙̯͙ͯͫJ̖̩̠̭̣̠̤̗̋͌͗ͥ͘U͇̳͉ͨ͟͟ͅŰ̮̹̥͙͓͍̩ͮD̡̨̼̦ͮ͐ͪ͒͝Ä͍̼̭̙̪̱́ͥ̉͋̂̈́͑ͧ̕I̸̛̱̩͓ͯͩ͗͐ͤ͑̋ͪ͘M̷̴͉̘͙̙̀ͮͭ̍Ȅ̜͇̚!̨͋̅̌͑͒̍̚҉̰̘̦ ̛͙̗̉͂ͧ̐̇͌̊̄͟͞f̦̬̩̜́͂̍͑ͣͫ̐̆Ṷ̴̘̲͎͇͉ͦ̀̄͛ͭ̄͐́C̺̙̪̭̘͖͋̐ͥ͝k͓̣̰ͯ̉ ̨͈̝̳̱͍͍͚̮̏ͭ͑͋̂͜ͅF̐̂̊̄͗ͯ҉̝̦̟̼͠U̡̩̮̝͔͓͊̎̋̊ͮͯͨͥc̡͔̻͙͎̈́ͦͪ̐̓ͥ͂͘͠k̴̶̡͍̭̅ ̛̦̲̃ͣ̓̊ͯ̀̒̓͠ͅi̛̙͔̼̫̣͋͢s͔͈͇̯̼͑͞ ̢͈̭̳̘̉ͬͮ̉͢t̵̷͓̙̣͍͔ͫ̀̕ͅh̙̗͚̙͕̖͗ͪ̒̊̑ͦ̄̔ͅi̡̼̅̽͂s̮̖̖̎ͭͯ̎̈ͮ̋́́͜ ͖̙̍ͪ̑̓́̾̕s̵̞̠̻̤̝̯͛̆̈̇ͪ͟o̴̟̜̜͙͈̫̰̪̹̓̏́͡m̡̤͉̦̣̜͈̗̐̍ͯ̓͛ͧͅe̝̖̤̤̳̲̖͋͗ͤ̐̔̿̒̚ͅ ̢͉̬͇̠͊ͧ͆̌̃́̏ͅs͚̯̟̺̦͍͙͕͐̃́́͢͡ͅo̵̩̥̳̙̯̝̠̤̭͌̆ͨ̍̚͢r̸͚͙̮̰͉̥̒̊͊ͥt̡̡̠̖̯̻̯̦̥̍̋ͫ͆ͥͪ͝ͅ ̡̞̖͔͈͍̘͚̩̝ͧo͆̑̔͑́̋͏͔̰͖͖̕͠f̤̻͕̦̣̖̀̾ͦͧ̌́ ̶̢̲̭͇̟ͤͬͅģ̰̣̞͚͂̎̿͐̆͝a̵̰̞̼͚̤̼͇̽̔͑ͮ̈́ͭ̐͝m̅͢͏̱̗e̵̝̘͖̟̘̮͎͋̓̏ͥ̈͒̚?̷̫̭̲̠̠͈̪͕ͧ͛ͣ̽̆͡ ̶̨̬̩͓̮̤̞ͪ̀mͨ̐́͛̒͊ͩͫ͏͇̥̟̤̣̝͔͔A͊͊͘͢҉̣͇k͍͍̘̟̄͋̉͆̆͒E͖̯͇̥̻̮͓̰͗̓̂ͬ̓̽͆̀ ̵̹̗̅͋̾̕ỉ̵͙̼̬̳̙́̿͟t͎̤̙̪̲͙̹̠ͬ̚ ̛̠̙̠ͣ͒ͫͯ̅s̶̃ͬ̿̂ͬͦ҉̜̣̜T̔̃̓҉̤̤̭o̸̼͔̝͈̺̯͈̩̞ͦ̚͞p̷̷̤̬͌̐̑͋̐̎Ê̝͍̲̱̑̒̀X̓̋͏҉̝͉Ṫ̷̡̜̗̂R̵̤̠ͤͭ̔ͤ̐E̞̹̺̍̇̅͆͛͊̏ͬ͢͞M̴̌͗̚͏̣͍͓̲̭E̴̹̼̺̥̩͚̙̰̼̍!̴͉̤̰͔̺́̑̋̌̎̆̍̚͜!̉̿̍̔҉̹̝͇̼̦̫͎̝͈ ̫̟͉̤̥͖͒̾̄̎n̤̘͈ͫ͗ͧͨ̋̑̃̚O̴̢̹̘̪̯͎͈͕͒̽́ͪͧ̿͆̑ͮ ̸̙̣̒̽̽͆̅̏ͣṂ̶̧̪̦̖̼͉̬̝̙́̓ͮ͂͠Ọ̸̡͎̦̯̞͓̳͔̍̎ͨ̿͊͝R̡̺̩̝̹̳͛ͪ̎ͮ̐ͤé͙̳͔̮ͭ̿ͫͭ̾ ̯̼̈͛ͤ͗̋̊͒ͣ̚͡͠ṗ̞ͬ͟Ĺ̟̣̭͎̲̫͛̀̓̀̏e̬͎̠͈ͫͫ͘͢ͅA̡̡̯̬̼͕͕̻̫̺̺͒ͬṠ̻̰̘̠̗͉͎̹̐ͨ͐͞ĕ̢̬̹̻͑̂ͩ͐̍́͠ ̪̜̼̜̅ͣK̹̭̘̪͈̗͈͊ͥ̍͌̎͛ͮͦ̀ṵ͇͔̯̭ͬ̓̀̇́f̻̳̬͓̠͕͙͋͂̌̾u̵̫͇͗ͧf̸̢̥͖̞͇̬͕̠̫̳͑͒̀ǔ͏͓̭̙̘̤̙͢͟!̮̰̖̘̣͉̥ͪ̔̀̕͡ ̺͈͕̓̎͞ā̧̻͓͇̣̩̺̏̏̂̍̕ą̷̛̝̙̺̤̖̜̘̇̐̏̀̆ͫ̏ͩ͑ą̢̜̩̭̽̅ͩ̔̓̏̏̈̕Ṟ̤̆R̸͈͕̰̓̅͛̈́͛̇̈G̡̹̬͕̠̟͈̳̪͖ͣ̃ͪͦ͡͠Ĥ̴̞̩͔̗̲̣͍̪̊̾͆ͨ̀H̬̗̓̊ͣ͌ ̗̝̯̍̈́̿̓̄̒͌L͔̩͇̮̝̹ͧͬͦͤͬ͗̕a̼̰̙̙̥̲͉̥͛̔͂͢͠ͅm̷̦̱͈̿̄͗ͮ̔̈́͂̚͢b̛͖̰̯͌̄̿̆̆͡ő̟͈͇̒͑̋̆͊͡-̢̛͚̖͈̰ͣ̈́̉s̥̯̥̳̘͐̏̍̒̐̂́ͅͅa̢͍̭̘͕͊͆ͫ̕m̸̹̝̥͇͍̈́́͆ͫ̅̈͊͘͘ͅa̧͚̖͕͚͎̗͆ͨ̾̏ͥ͊̋̓̌͞!̟̱̈́̋̇͢͞͝ ̵̗͖͇̝͓̻͓̻͚̓̈́ͨ͌͐̑͌̀c̡̩̜̦̹͆́̓̀ͨ͒́͘Ạ̟̞̲́͑̇̈́́͢Ṇ̨̥̞̲̠̒̓͒͛̂̑tͦ̓̉͒̈҉͍̗͉̲͎͙͍̳ ̧̳̗͕͓̼̳ͤ̇ͮ̽b̮̙̯̘̞̬̏ͣͧͨ̑͠R̶̲͕͇̬͙̄̀̈͛͊͒̏̀ͅĘ̪̒̂͐̆͗ͣ̚ͅA͉̜͔ͤͦͯ̉͘͞T̢̮̠͕̺̲̗̜̽̐̒ͮ̀̚ẖ̡̢̻̮̥̞͔̲̥͆̀̏E̴̼͖͓̜͓̞͓͕̐̈́̒́ ̭̘͍ͯ̐́̌͊ͅV̦̺̘̰̇͘Ö́̂̂҉̜̱̝̮̮I̿̌̔͊̑̐ͯͭ͏̥̲͈̘̖̣ ̀ͬ͑҉̵̫͜ą̙͇͔͈̙̦̖̘ͨ͂͐͛͠ͅh̸̯͇̾ͧ̉̔ͯ̍ͯ̎hͮ̾̎ͫ̅̅҉̸̬̱̘̣̜͇ͅ ́ͬ͠͏̵͖̪͖͈̳̞͇̳T̛͚̼̓͑̄ͭ͌̌͛ͮ͌͞r̻̭͎̱̹̫̘̘͉̽͊̈ͩ̑͂͐͐ȧ͔͈̪̗̞͓̜̠̽̈s̟̼̣̼͕͇̈́̅̀͋̓ḧ͈͔̜͙́ͯ̏̍͋̇ͤͫ ̷̧̧̤̝̙͕̣̱ͧ͗n̵̴̼̦͔̬̲̳ͭ̓͢ͅͅo͖̞͇̙̖ͤ̍͌ͬ̚͟n̸͚̦͇̺̯̩̫̓̓o̸̪̩̳̥̪̩͆̌́̚ņ̘ͪ̎̾ͫ͗ò̧͛ͮ͏̣̺̤̙͎̰n̹̠̍̆̍ͧͯ͢o̸̦͉̟̯̩͋̆̀ͅ ͓͇̜͈̥͍͉͈ͭ̿ͯͧ̿͐V̟̲̲̑̇̃̿̏ͣ͂͘o̸̻̟̺̺̤̞̹̭̓̾̑̊̀nͮ͑ͦͥ͑ͤ̀ͮ҉͉̯gͧͩͪ͊͛̏͏̶̝͕̣̫̥̹̠͘o̧͙͙̺͚͙̿ͨ̋̒̆̑̽̀͡ḻ̨̗͍̬̱͚̻̣̒͐ạ̢̧̠̹̪̙́ ̢͚̪͎͈͕͚̰̠ͭͬ̎͑͛͠S̤̭̦̦̣̗̹ͯ̋͐ͭ̉̂͛͞ȉ͈̦̜̪ͨͬ̀̈́͘͜n͍̯̘̿͐ͬ̇̑̒ ̡̟̬͉̝̀ͩ̓̔̐ͩ̚͡ş̡̨͍̮̳͇̂ͤͅt͉͕̗̗̳̲̫͉̑͊̊̈͂ͪo̸̵͈̺͈ͬͤp̷̛̫̭̪̰͎ͭ ͓̙̩̼̲̠͉͙̌̓͞S̶̞̙̥̯̮͛̒̋͌ą̬̹̯̝͚̱̭̀̂̆ͫ͊͐ͯͤw̴͉̞͎͇̪̫̯͉̑ͪͥ̊ͭ̋ͫ͞â̸̯̳̳̘̘̳̰̤̋́͟d̶̲͈̪͉̭͚͓̘ͯͨ̐̈́ͪ̕͘ą̥͈͔̮͎̮̜̈̾̎̓͆͒͐̀ ̢̣̠̟͓̇ͩ̀̐͗̂͟T̴̰͎̖͉͕̤͂̈́̑̽̏͐ͥ̑ͅs̑̒҉͈̘̦̼̦̩͡ͅu̮͚̹̠͇̟̪͌̆ñ̢̳̱͖̖̜̉́ͩ̀ͧͪ̍́a̪̦̳̠̼ͭ̎͌̏̀́y̋̆ͩ̿ͤ҉̱̻̙̕͠ô̵̍ͩ̂͊͌ͬ́̊҉̖͍͙̤̤̼̩s̹̦̘̳͔ͣ͐̆̏ͪ͠h̜̱̻̪ͮ̚ͅi̪̫̋̿ͧ͛̓ͤ̊̃ͥ͘͘͡ ̶̤̦̠̓͒ͯ́w̸̤̘̣̩̥̯͗ͯh̦ͨ́̋ͩ̇̓͟y̴͕̠͛̀̽͒ ̷ͫ̆ͩ͋͐͋͏̺̙i̸̥͍̥ͣ̍̏ͨ͆͗͂͘s̯͙̜͓̟͇͇̗̑ͧ̀͟ ̣̈́͊t̫̬̥̽̋̇͑̇̔̎ͬ͜h̶̙͕̼͇̗̯͓ͪ͆ͣ̽̀͛̎́i̮̗̻̥̟̳͑ͦ̉ͣ̈́̈͂ͬs̨̠̲̰͆͢ ̵͎͓͙͍̺̟̱̆̽̈́̕h̢̲͍͈͈͓͇̤̣̿̈͟ͅa͚͕͙̲̘ͧ̌͊̀p̱̜̮̱̗̻̻ͬ͂̈́̀ͥ̚͠ͅp̓͋͌̑̅̄̏͛͠͏̩͓̮̼͚͓̪ͅͅeͪ̅ͤ͏̠͕n̴̛̲̣͖̱̖̻̭̬͖̈̅̿ͨͩͣ̽̒͜ḯ̢̡̩̠̠͇̉̓n̢͛͗ͥͯͬ̌͏̹̦͔̼̲̮̪g̟̅͑ ̭̗̎͒̆͋̉D͙͙͚̱͎͓̻̯̾̋̆͊ͧ͐̿̌͜e̢̥͎̲ͤ̔̾ͣ͢͡č̛̳̮̠̘͚̭ͪ̓̈́͑̔̆̀ĭ̡͔̳͌̐ͫ͒ͬͩ͝m̸̷̛̰̹͖̆̄ŏ̧̧̜͎̯̦̼̺̜̩̋̇ͪ́ ͇̻̱̓ͦ̍͂̾͐ͧp̛͓͐̉ļ̶̯̪͖͗̀̚e̷̙̲͚̬̗̝̤̘̒̿̔̄̋́ͅa̛̠ͪ̕s̯͚͎̟̯̺ͮ̇̂͞ę̧̛̪̙ͧ̽̊ ̨̡͈͓̤̗͉̥ͥ͗͝N̷̠̤͎͔̪̫͋ͦ̆ͨ͂̋͆̏͢͠eͤ͋̚҉̴̭̻̗̯̰̮o̸̸͚̼̩͖̜͖̲͕̓̔͆ͭͯ̓͆ͩ ̴̢̮͕̺͍͚̫͆̎ͮ́̃̚͘ͅP̨͓̩̜̱͎̖̥͕̊ͮr̹͔̺̭͚͇̳̉͐͋ͤͫ̚͜ï̵͖͓̳̮̭͐ͭͦͮͨ̕͜m̢̙̯̆ͬ̅ͫ͗ͅo̵̖̲͙̱͎̳͇̔̽ͯ̈̀͡ ̴̢̛̳ͥ͆ͯ͐w̸̡̟̑ͮ͑h̵̜̘ͧ̿ͨ͊̋̓ͭ͡ý̧̹̫̟̳͉ͦ̇͗ͤ̃͜-̧̟͍̬͈̯͗̾͂́̈̈͂͜ͅs̝̭̞͈͖̃̀̇̐͐͘t̩͔̪̼̝̪͉̤͑̐͂̉ͥ̊̆͜o̷̲̦͕͐́̓͛́p̨̲̜̙̩͖͚ͤ̽͜͜s̞͕̞͍̱̥̯̗̏ͣ͋͆̍͑̀͠͡t͉̯̱̳̰̤̾̀͟ó̷̧̺͖͕͊͑̀̾̈́̊̚p̗͇͍̭͓͈͉ͨ̋s̡̹͕̯ͤͪ͌̒ͪ͒̾̌t̞͛̒ͨ̈́́͞o̵̻̞̞̺̘̲͕̅ͩ̈́̎͒ͤͣ͜p̴̭̩͖̞̠̑̓̀ͅͅͅs̢͙̖͇͈̼̪̖͔̓̚t̸͇̞̝̥̻̣̗̜̊̄ͦͪ̿̌͢͝o̷͉͊̆̈̀̕͜ͅp̵̧̭̫̹̣̰̄͂̓ͧ͊ͫ͐͗̅͢ͅṡ̥̩̙̻͐ͭͧ̃́t̟̝̲̎ͨ̍ͨ͗͊o͕̗͈̩̭̿̃̿ͣ͂̿͗p̗̻͈̓̉͘͜s̷̭̏̐ͦͫ̈́́͞t̼̥͇͉̞͒ͨ̌́ô͍͓̞͍̣͈̊̈̀̀͟p̱̦̝͖̓ͯ̅̐̆̂ͤ̾̕s̗͓̭̻̏̿̏͛̿̒͛̾̚t̢͉̂͌o̴̜̹̩̝͒̓ͫ͌p̸͚̣͍̠͔ͧ̄̿̈́̓ͣ͢ͅș͖̣̭̯̆̊̈̕t̛̟͈̹̤̙̭͍̙̋ͤ̇͒ͯ̉͋͗͑ǫ̷͙̺̳̏̿ͣͪ͜p͙̱͖̟͒͊͑͒̓ͯ̆͡n̶͍̹͚̻̳ͣ̄̽̃o̲̩̦̪ͫm̨͇̰͉̽̓̔ͧ͂͜o̰̞̪̯̎̆̐̈́̀r̜̰̠̳̳ͭ͛̚ͅe̬̲̠̺̫͍͕̣ͯ̄͑̑̅̆̿͌̄͜͡ͅp̻̻̼͑̈́̀̈́̽͞l͙̟̼͓͐̅̾̎̎̈͡͞e̡ͨ̒ͨ̏̚͏͏̳͚̠͇͔à̖̺̂s͒ͯ̋ͥ̈́ͥͨ͐͒͏̣̬̤̻̟̣͔̳e̝̟͎̯ͫ̎n̗̞̮̖̘̠͇̹̓͌͗̇́̕ö̧͚͔̼ͯ̔̅ͩ̐͆ͩ̄m̧̼̜͔̳͍̰͛͌͑͌̒ͨ̍̄͊͘ͅͅo̴͎̣̝̮̜̫̊ͧ̐͗r͚̦̺̐̊̌͛̆͌͑ê̷̮̫͎ͥ̀͑̑̍̚p̂̐̾͒̀̚͏͚͚̣̜͇l̞̝͎̮̺̟̖͋̐̂͑̒͜e̢̮̹͖ͭͯ̂ͪ̌ͦ̽a̳̹͎ͧ̂̇̈̄̀š̢̪̋̈͋̽̾͐ê̡̻̱̞̯͎̼͒͛̈́ͨͯ͛͐͝h̐ͪ̀҉͉̜̲̟u̲̭͎͙̗̲̗ͥ̔r̵̸͈̜͌̕t̮͎͉̤̼̭̫͊͗͗̄͑̇̓́̚͡s̝͙̥͙ͫ̀̽͝

i

The last thought Chiyohime has before collapsing as well is ' _My brother will be running around in his underwear in 10 years._ '


	2. Having an Existential Crisis at Age Six

**SeikiSeiki:** ** _For anyone who's here for the (not yet written) summary, I promise it's gonna get written! ...I just don't know when...Rest assured it's coming soon though!_**

 ** _Anyway, thanks for the support and here's a (slightly more funny than the last by virtue of being longer but not quite since OC is too preoccupied angsting) chapter as OC contemplates the meaning of life._**

 ** _I'm thinking of writing a side-fic where OC writes down what she remembers of KHR while inserting her opinion and "funny" comments...here's a slight snippet:_**

 _Somewhere along the line, Xanxus gains his Guardians:_

 _Storm Guardian Belphegor "Prince the Ripper" (a pyscho teenager who's apparently royalty and has a knife fetish),_

 _Sun Guardian Lussuria (a pyscho adult who's a Muay Thai fighter and has a dead men fetish),_

 _Lightning Guardian Levi A Than (a pyscho adult who fights with fucking umbrellas and has a Xanxus fetish),_

 _Rain Guardian Superbi Squalo (a pyscho teen/adult who looks like Rapunzel and has a sword fetish)_

 _Mist Guardian Mammon/ (a pyscho Arcobaleno Viper with a money fetish)_

 _I'm starting to see a pattern here in the requirements for becoming one of Xanxus' Guardians._

 _Somewhere along the line, the three legimate Vongola heirs die, making Xanxus the only candidate left. Except he's not, 'cause he has no true Vongola blood._

 _I bet Daemon fucking Spade had something to do with this shit. Nosy fucker has an unhealthy interest in Vongola. It's also possible Xanxus aided in the Vongola heirs' death. He leads an assassin squad, after all._

 _Presumably, Tsuna is Sealed before the heirs die, as Timoteo thought Tsuna would not need his flames and that he could live life as a civilian. (haha you thought wrong bitch)_

 _Xanxus finds out he's not eligible for the Decimo position since Timoteo's not really his father. Feeling betrayed, he plots a coup or something._

 _Basically, poor communication kills and Xanxus' Daddy Issues could have been avoided if Timoteo took the time to actually explain to Xanxus his true parentage before such a delicate issue could arise while Xanxus is emotionally vulnerable. Also, I'm not sure if Xanxus found out before or after the three Vongola heirs die._

 _Ottabio, a senior Varia officer from Tyr's time(?) and Xanxus' possible Cloud Guardian, is the only one smart enough to think that staging a coup is a fucking stupid idea. He reports the Varia's treachery to Timoteo, who is prepared for the coup with forewarning._

 _However, because he is the only (possible) Guardian who has any sanity and lacks any fetishes, he doesn't quite fit in with the trend. AKA the rest of them survive but his betrayal is revealed and Xanxus kills him. Good deeds often go punished, I guess._

 ** _Feel free to skip this chapter if monologues bore you_**

 _ **Remember, reviews are love, reviews are life, reviews give me motivation to continue shitposting fanfictions**_

* * *

 _"Even though Mukuro's a complete dickhead, I kind of pity him now. I remembered only one of my reincarnations and it was a pretty chill life. Poor dude had to go through hell six times. No wonder he's such a jackass."_

 _-Sawada Chiyohime Random Thoughts Part One_

* * *

The first thing I did upon waking up was scream, which was rather cathartic and made me feel better to some extent.

The second thing I did was reassure a worried Mama that _no, there wasn't a deranged serial killer inside my room about to murder me, I just saw a gigantic spider._

The third I did was question my mother's sanity as she immediately jumped to the conclusion that I was going to be murdered upon hearing my scream of frustration.

The fourth thing I did was grab a blank notebook and pen from my desk to write down my thoughts. I decided to write everything down in English, mainly because it wouldn't do for Mama or Tsuna to stumble onto my notebook and understand every single word because I was stupid enough to write it in Japanese.

The fifth thing I did was contemplate my existence and ponder the semantics of reincarnation.

I was Sawada Chiyohime, but I wasn't. I could remember important aspects of my past life such as my name, my relationship with my friends and family, my likes and dislikes, etc. Basically, I remembered everything that made me Not-Chiyohime. I could also remember important aspects of my current life, such as how to speak Japanese, my personality, my relationship with people in my life. Basically, Not-Chiyohime's memories didn't completely overwrite Chiyohime's. Which was a relief, because explaining any drastic change in personality and my sudden inability to speak Japanese would have been really inconvenient. Figuring out where Not-Chiyohime and Chiyohime started and ended led me to my next question(s)...

 _Who even am I?_ I suppose they were technically the same soul, just that Not-Chiyohime had her memories wiped so Chiyohime could exist as a blank slate instead of being just Not-Chiyohime in a new body? Except that Chiyohime developed her own characteristics, making her a different soul from Not-Chiyohime? Was I the metaphorical bridge between both souls, possessing traits of both Not-Chiyohime and Chiyohime? On their own, both had memories of their own life but were unaware of the other. However, if both were fused themselves together, I suppose I would be the result since I could remember both of their lives.

I hastily scribbled down my thoughts, foregoing neatness for practicality as I wrote down everything I could before I could forget or lose my train of thought. I squinted and examined my words; the words were wobbly and slanted, nothing like the neat font I was used to writing as Not-Chiyohime. I resolved to get Chiyohime's body used to writing neatly like Not-Chiyohime and retrain my muscle memory.

Writing slowly, I carefully made sure the **TDLR** ; **I'm the fusion of my previous reincarnation and the "original Chiyohime"** was visible.

The conclusion that I was both souls fused together was both relieving yet worrying. By assuming that I was both Not-Chiyohime and Chiyohime, I didn't have to worry about the following things:

1\. I am not a body snatcher, I am just the fusion of two souls

2\. Neither souls died or got absorbed by the other, they just fused into one

3\. I didn't have to wonder about slipping up and revealing that I am Not-Chiyohime, since I am technically Chiyohime as well.

I also made sure these words were legible, in case I had a midlife crisis and worried about the semantics of my existence in the future. I added a **TDLR;** **I'm not a bad person possessing Chiyohime (like Mukuro kinda is), I'm simply Chiyohime with my previous reincarnation's memories**

However, this line of thought opened a whole new can of worms.

1\. Why did Chiyohime specifically remember Not-Chiyohime's life? Yes, the technical answer was witnessing Timoteo seal Tsuna, but _why?_ It could have been possible for Chiyohime to just assume fictional superpowers were real and Flames were a normal part of this world. (Which was true, Flames were normal, just for the mafia instead of the whole world) Why did witnessing Tsuna's Sealing reawaken past memories?

2\. Did Not-Chiyohime and Chiyohime just...cease to exist as I took over them by fusing their memories? Was there a way for one of them to technically come back if I somehow forgot either Not-Chiyohime or Chiyohime's memories?

3\. I clearly had more of Not-Chiyohime's personality traits, seeing as I'm intelligent enough to question the meaning of my existence. Chiyohime was a six year old child, I doubt that she would be mentally debating about life before she hit puberty. Did Not-Chiyohime's years of experience and maturity overwrite any naivety and inexperience of Chiyohime during their fusion into me? From a technical point of view, I'm just Not-Chiyohime's personality and memories haphazardly grafted beside Chiyohime's personality and memories.

4\. Were there certain parts of Not-Chiyohime and Chiyohime I forgot but am not aware of? Obviously, I remember many aspects of Not-Chiyohime and Chiyohime, more of Not-Chiyohime's personality and experience and more of Chiyohime's memories. Which made sense, since Not-Chiyohime had more years of memories while Chiyohime's life was happening more recently than Not-Chiyohime's. But could I forget anything about Chiyohime's life? Surely it would be too convenient for everything to be perfectly fused into me. What if I forgot a crucial aspect of Chiyohime's personality/memories and exposed myself as being a warped version of her.

 **TDLR; I have more of my previous reincarnation's personality than my current one, perhaps due to age differences.**

Furthermore, I had more questions regarding reincarnation that weren't related to my fusion.

1\. Was this what happened to all souls? Did Heaven or Hell or Nirvana or whatever religious after-place not exist? Did everyone reincarnate into a different world, just unaware of their past life? What about those who were temporarily dead but revived through advancing modern technology?

2\. Why did I remember my reincarnation(s)? What was so special about me that allowed me to remember? Did other people also remember, but didn't reveal themselves? That was the most logical possibility, but my main concern was regarding other people like me. If there were other people like me, would I ever meet them in this world? What if some of them was less benevolent, and decides to fuck the world up? What if someone was also aware of KHR, but decides to kick canon in the metaphorical balls by say, killing Kyoko/Haru/Chrome/whoever they hate.

3\. All those Self-Insert fanfictions...were they real to some extent in another universe far away from mine? The whole situation seemed pretty surreal reading it through a screen, but now it has happened to me in real life. What if those poor hapless souls in fanfictions really did experience reincarnation in another universe?

 **TDLR; I have an existential crisis regarding alternate universes.**

I paused to consider my situation. At least I was born into a relatively harmless world. Sure, people died, but that was expected of the mafia and life in general. Hell, even in my previous life, people died from crime all the time. The mafia wasn't created in only this world, it's just that I would now be in the heart of it as a Vongola relative.

Could I be a Decimo candidate? After all, I am older than Tsuna even though I'm a girl. Will the mafia be sexist enough to dismiss an older female candidate for a younger male one? Daniela, Timoteo's mother, was the only female boss in Vongola's history. Were all of Vongola's male bosses the firstborn, or were they given priority over any older sisters? Was Daniela given the position as the firstborn, or was she the only candidate since she didn't have any relatives able to inherit Vongola?

 **TDLR; Find out if Vongola is sexist/if I could be a Decimo candidate**

I quickly wrote down the string of questions before returning to my original train of thought. All in all, KHR wasn't a bad place to be reborn into. Best case scenario, I travel abroad to the safest country I can find and avoid the mafia/any crime syndicate at all costs and live life as a normal adult. I mean, I could have been reborn into Naruto, Tokyo Ghoul, Boku no Pico, Shingeki no Kyojin, Berserk, Neon Genesis Evangelion, the list goes on.

Furthermore, even though people might be attempting to gun me down for my Vongola blood, I was still relatively safe, being born as a relative to the main character. I doubt that Reborn would allow one of his (potential) students to die under his watch nor would Tsuna, bless his messianic soul, allow his sister to die. I could have been reborn as Belphegor's sister aka get murdered brutally for fuck's sake! As the metaphorical cherry on this clusterfuck of a metaphorical sundae, I'm pretty sure I would be the main character if my life was a fanfiction. Which means _plot armour_. I doubt any author would want to kill off the main character or that any cosmic being taking amusement in my suffering would want their source of amusement to die. If I am indeed Genre Savvy enough to exploit my status as main character, I can make it through my life/story without dying.

Of course, there was the chances I was the wrong kind of genre savvy. Maybe I wasn't the main character, only a side character to a bigger and more important Self-Insert and I'll eventually die because There Can Only Be One. Alternatively, I could be _a_ main character in a multi-POV story where my death motivates the other protagonist. Or my author is an asshole who kills me off to incite shock value for the paltry amount of readers they have. If there was a higher cosmic being who dropped me into KHR for their sick amusement, chances are they can drop another soul into another universe once I die and they lose interest.

 **TDLR; Be glad you're reincarnated into a relatively normal world and that your chances of surviving are marginally higher than some other poor sods in other universes**

The alternate universe question made me overthink the situation even more, if that was possible.

Were all fictional works real in some universe? In fact, if those fanfictions were real, what's to say I'm not reincarnated into some bizarro alternate universe where some things are drastically different? Canon Tsuna didn't have a sister. What if in this universe, the Vongola heirs never died/Xanxus was descended from Secondo (seriously they look so fucking alike, there's no way they're not related. Shit, what if Xanxus was a reincarnated Secondo in canon but not related? I'm pretty sure the First Generation reincarnated into the Tenth, what's to say Secondo didn't reincarnated into Xanxus?) What if Tsuna never got his Seal broken and continued living life as a loser without his flames?! Was the theory that he was such a loser in canon because his Flames were sealed even true?

I didn't like thinking about the infinite possibilities so I didn't bother writing a **TDLR**.

I moved onto my next topic: My foreknowledge of this world and the potential implications of my existence.

Fortunately, I remembered some "useless" details that weren't that relevant, such as manga and anime, including Katekyo Hitman Reborn. Which becomes extremely less useless, now that I'm living inside it. I briefly thanked whatever higher cosmic being who was out there for making sure I could remember KHR, which made my life more convenient because I didn't have to stumble blindly through this world and accidentally cause the villain to take over the world or something.

Unfortunately, I didn't have an eidetic memory, so I couldn't quite remember every single detail about it. For goodness' sake, I couldn't even remember what I ate for breakfast yesterday! I only remembered majority of KHR because of all the Self-Insert fanfictions chronicling life in Namimori. The problem was that many of them weren't complete and stopped after the first half of the series. I had a much clearer image of the first half, but I could barely remember anything from the ending other than canon Tsuna was still a loser without Reborn. Which I call total bullshit, by the way. Poor boy went through so much shit and he hasn't even reached his twenties yet. Even though he's not that experienced to be an extremely competent mafia boss, I doubt he's completely useless.

I turned to a new page and started to write a rough timeline of the parts that I could remember, in chronological order.

* * *

I scanned the timeline I had just written down, notes included. I paused occasionally to laugh at the stupid comments I wrote down, ignoring that it was a bit childish. After I finished re-reading the timeline, I sobered up enough to realise I was a loser for managing to write down that much junk, even if some were speculations/theories.

Reborn shows up during Tsuna's Middle School Years. I didn't remember the exact year, but the minimum age for Japanese Middle Schools was 12-13, depending on your birthday. Assuming Reborn appears right during Tsuna's first year, I would be approximately 14-15. In conclusion, I could only keep this notebook until I was 13 before I had to make preparations to get rid of this before I turned 14 or 15. In a world rife with improbable hackers and fucking impossibly fancy mafia, the internet didn't seem like a particularly safe place to store such sensitive information. I had no delusions about my ability to learn hacking and safely store my knowledge on the internet. Furthermore, Reborn seemed like the type of nosy fucker who would want to find everything about his students. Surely he would catch me refreshing my memory on the internet! This also meant that I couldn't keep the notebook remotely near me if I didn't want Reborn to find out. Hiding it wasn't plausible because Reborn would surely get suspicious and he seemed paranoid enough to be able to find it. He was the World's Greatest Hitman for a reason. It seemed like I would have to memorize relevant information and burn the book before Reborn's arrival.

What, was I supposed to reveal I know what will happen in the future? For one thing, I don't even know whether my information was reliable. Canon Tsuna didn't have a sister. Clearly, my canon information could have some mistakes. Furthermore, my notebook was blurring canon and fanon into an unreliable mess. Secondly, revealing information was too risky, I didn't know whether anyone would spread information regarding the future. What if PreRedemption!Mukuro/Daemon/Checkerface/whoever is villain of the arc found out I knew the future? Even worse, what if they actually found out what would happen in the future? I doubt plot armour could save me should they decide to torture me and drain my mind of every thought before killing me. Lastly, canon got on fine without me. In the end, the world was saved. I didn't need any foreknowledge to ruin a situation and cause the end of the world.

I paused, should I even bother doing anything in this world? A butterfly flaps its wings and causes a cyclone on the other end of the world. My existence has probably caused more trouble than any good I could do. Did my knowledge of the future even mean that much for the overall good of things?

I stared at the book, unsure what my next actions would be.


	3. Chocolate Chip Pancakes and Icebreakers

**SeikiSeiki: Hey, so remember when I said the next update was coming soon? Yea, well...I lied. (Obviously) Life's a bitch and unless any of y'all feel like helping me with school homework (no seriously, much help would be appreciated, this is an SOS), this fic's probably only going to get updated once a year/ when I feel like slacking from school work. Ah, but excuses, excuses. Here's a early Christmas present for you poor schmucks still reading this. A bit short but if I tried to think of more to write for now, you probably wouldn't be reading this right now. Maybe I'll revisit this chapter for more shenanigans but for now, adios~**

 **P.S. I don't actually know anything about Japanese school culture so excuse me if it's not accurate. I also dunno if the ages and timeline add up so Chiyo and...y'know...are in the same class.** **Feel free to drop me a review/DM correcting me if you have some knowledge, thanks**

* * *

 _"My birth date would explain why my life is one giant cosmic joke."_

 _-Sawada Chiyohime regretting the day her parents had sex_

* * *

I decided to eat my depression away.

No, seriously. In times of doubt, stuff yourself silly and wind up in a food coma so you forget all that was troubling you. Probably unhealthy advice, but in my defense, I'm not exactly the most sound of mind right now. Psychic mind-melding and existential crises tend to do that to you.

After carefully tucking my notebook in between my picture books and placing the stack into my drawer, I skipped downstairs towards the kitchen for a snack.

Mama, bless her kind soul, was already cooking something. I didn't know _what_ she was cooking, but it certainly _smelled_ delicious. It would probably taste delicious too, Mama's ability to cook was probably bestowed on her by the gods. I could only wish to have a mere fraction of her skills but alas, I couldn't even see the top of the stoves yet.

"Ara! Chi-chan, you're up early today!" My mother cooed, finally noticing me peer into the kitchen curiously.

"Early" was one way of putting it, considering that it was almost 7am and I had fainted yesterday during the afternoon.

"What'cha cooking?" I asked, stepping into the kitchen.

"It's a very _special_ day for you, so Mama decided to make your favorite chocolate chip pancakes today." She beamed, setting down a plate of _heavenly_ pancakes onto the table.

"Thanks, Mama! Itadakimasu~" I hummed, trying to shovel as much food into my mouth as fast as possible without looking like a _complete_ barbarian. I was only 50% barbarian, thank you very much. It's just that Mama's pancakes are the _best_ and like she says, she never makes it unless its for _special_ days because otherwise I'd grow sideways instead of up and I have to eat a proper _balanced_ Japanese breakfast for morning everyday-

Wait, it's a special day?

I repeated as such to her out loud, ignoring how she admonished me for speaking with my mouth full.

"Why, it's your birthday, sweetie." She replied patiently, looking at me affectionately.

I cheered, both out of excitement and relief. I couldn't believe I had forgotten my birthday. Not that it was the most pressing concern when compared to what went down yesterday but still, birthday presents were always a bonus. The more mature part of me scoffed at such an illogical joy at celebrating a year closer to death. The childish part of me told her to shut up because yay, presents and cake!

The look in Mama's eyes turned more sad when she continued, "I know Papa promised he would stay long enough for your birthday celebration, but something urgent cropped up at work and he had to go back early. He left us enough money to make sure you have a nice celebration after school, okay?"

I froze. A myriad of emotions bloomed in my heart- no, that was too flattering. More like a clusterfuck of emotions latched onto my heart, steadfastly refusing to let go until they finished feeding off my palatable pain.

The most dominant emotion I could feel was fear, shaking all the joy and happiness out of it. It also shook out an emotion I would later recognize as disappointment. School? Where I would have to interact with kids my age that decidedly, did not have the same mental age (nor mental problems- I hoped they didn't.) as me? Where I would have to interact with kids, _cruel and fickle children_ that could ostracize me and hate me for no reason other than their innate lack of understanding about the world and my own lack of understanding about acceptable social behavior? Where I would have to sit in a classroom for hours with knowledge half-learned and half-forgotten crammed into my brain? Where I would be forced to go through the entire day without Mama's cooking?!

"I think you'll like Namimori Elementary School!" She grinned hopefully at me.

* * *

I liked Namimori Elementary School.

The school was tastefully designed with neutral colors and a simple geography that even an idiot (read: me) couldn't get lost in. Not that I was an architecture snob or anything like that but I had enough of patronizing adults trying to shove anything brightly coloured into my face to grab my attention. And that was _before_ I had gained my memories. (I was just significantly less articulate about my displeasure.)

Upon getting walked into my designated classoom, I was even gaining some confidence about befriending some people when I noticed some visibly nervous kids.

Predictably, that didn't last long when it was time to introduce ourselves.

No, _I_ didn't have any trouble introducing myself. In fact, I think I did a relatively good job at it, my tone having just the right blend of politeness and friendliness. (I hoped.)

Rather, it was the boy next to me. Even at the tender age of six, the boy looked an axe-murderer ready to snap and brutally murder everyone in the class in an goretastic slaughterfest. And, I don't mean, "Ugh, social interaction sucks." or "I don't like snot-nosed brats my age." I meant, actual literal brutal murder. The boy had _a certain kind of look_ in his eyes, the type that made you just instinctively know: "Don't fuck with me."

Evidently, the teacher didn't get the message as she kept trying to coax him into introducing himself.

I tried to subtly shift my chair further from him as he inhaled sharply, and I could _swear_ his pupils dilated.

Thankfully, he didn't lunge towards the teacher and rip her throat out.

Instead, he _smiled_. His next few words would ruin my life. If you didn't already guess by now...

"My name is Hibari Kyouya."

That's all he deigned to say, choosing to ignore that the teacher requested for us to reveal our interests, likes and dislikes or that sort of thing. Luckily, the teacher _did_ have some sense left in her as she decided to move on to the next student instead of lingering on Hibari.

I started to curse out the gods for saddling me with such an unfortunate birthday. For those of you who don't get it, Japanese school years run from April 1 to 31 March. Children are grouped into cohorts according to these dates, not by year. The funny thing is that I was actually born on April 1. If I was just born a day earlier...

I could have been in a different cohort than the Demon of Namimori.

The irony is not lost on me that I was born on April's Fools. The gods must be laughing at me right now.

* * *

The icebreakers weren't very effective at breaking the ice. Maybe they could have been, if Hibari the perpetual block of ice wasn't bringing the room's temperature down to hell.

Surprisingly, Hibari wasn't that bad. Don't take this the wrong way, he wasn't very _good_ either.

But, he wasn't as violent as I imagined he would be.

Not to say he wasn't violent, of course. Even at a young age, Hibari seemed to have an aptitude for making people incredibly uncomfortable with the bloodthirsty aura he exuded.

It's just that, he was somewhat subtle with it. He didn't go around swinging his tonfa into people's faces or call anyone herbivores and demand that they submit to him as the alpha predator king.

He simply grudgingly went along with the icebreakers, even if his terse answers and facial expression made it clear he was plotting bloody murder.

It probably sounded really sad that I was actually glad for an actual introduction to lessons because that meant the icebreakers were over and Hibari the Ice didn't Break anyone's sanity. Or body. Or anything, really.

I wondered when Hibari would lose all sense of subtlety and prayed I would _not_ be in his class when he hit puberty and unleashed tonfa hell-

 _Oh, that would explain so much._

* * *

"How was school today, Chi-chan?" Mama asked tentatively, looking slightly worried.

"Mama, can I graduate to a middle school out of town?" I immediately asked, wanting to get the hell out of dodge.

"That bad until you want to move out of town, hmm?" She teased. "You could try for Midori Middle, it's in walking distance from Namimori but far enough that you don't have to see your elementary schoolmates. But...you need super good grades to get into there."

I loved Mama's cavalier response to her daughter saying she wanted to study out of town.

"I can do it." I stated confidently.

"Of course you can." She stated just as confidently, sounding completely sincere without any patronizing undertone.

I loved Mama's casual suggestion of joining an elite girls' school and her equally casual confidence that I could get good enough grades to join said school.

"Ah, we better get going if we want to get to our reservation at TakeSushi on time. I know you've been dying to try out their new special."

I loved Mama but this just felt like the punchline to a giant cosmic joke (and a punch to the gut).


End file.
